Spousal infractions

My husband has been doing this for years and I think its just the most bizarre thing. He does not like soap after its been used a couple times. As you can see clearly on the left we have several pieces of perfectly good soap; oh no he can't use those; he has to open a NEW one. Now in a good marriage I think you have to come to accept your spouse's flaws and oddities. I don't ever put the toilet paper back on the dispenser. Dan leaves his shoes out every night and every morning I put them away. With all the celebrity break ups its a wonder someone doesn't annouce; "the breakup was amicable but I could just not Fuc&?ing stand the way he leaves his clipped toenails on the floor for one more day".  Sometimes it seems that these are reasons why these idiot celebrities are getting divorced. My favorite excuse is distance: "they had grown apart because their schedules had them spending time apart". Here's a novel thought: Why don't they try spending some time together? Truth be told I have a cleaning lady and I don't really care about this soap fetish even though it clearly affects the presence of the evildoer SOAPSCUM.  What does your significant other do that you find strange? This could get interesting.....

Menu planner

Between going on a diet and prepping for the holidays i have 90 lists around the house; all with similar things on them, some on stickeys some in office, pocketbook, and on the floor of my car. I go through cookbooks, write down all these random ingredients and then sit in front of the fridge listlessly every night at 6 thinking "WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO MAKE FOR DINNER?", or "WHY DID I BUY COCONUT MILK AGAIN?". I'm one of those people who buys all kinds of food with the best intentions of making something then I forget what it was and end up throwing food away. When I get mad at myself for this I start to google the random food I have to see how to make it edible. Typical google would be "chipotle chilis in adobe sauce+casserole+easy+kid+cilantro. A little bit like Chopped only I have no friggen idea what I am doing in the kitchen and would just as soon eat peanut butter toast anyway. IN ANY CASE, I need a better way to plan out the week; so I created my own menu plan/grocery shopping list. I am attaching for your organizing pleasure. i am confident that this will solve all my problems :)

http://www.scribd.com/full/45235949?access_key=key-1elev2935q26bc9yx6b9


       

HOT.....NOT HOT

 

Yes I am THAT boring

My laundry doesn't smell like laundry should; meaning that it doesn't smell the clean laundry scented yankee candle fragrance. Therefore I have decided that I should wash the washing machine. I was going to just buy a new one but that seems extreme. Is my life really this boring? YES IT IS. I just love google.  Here's what I to do. Because admit it, you are now jealous and want that clean laundry smell back too.  Here's how you do it.

Step 1 - With your machine empty, run it full of hot water to the largest load setting. When the tub is full and begins to agitate, add 3 to 4 cups of distilled white vinegar to the water. Then add ½ cup of baking soda. Allow the machine to agitate for a few moments, then turn off the machine. Let the water sit for one hour.

Step 2 - restart the machine and complete the wash cycle.

Mmm think I'll go color code my socks now

$100 bill saga part 2

For those of you who read my post about my daughter and her mysterious acquisition of a $100 bill, it gets better. She asked me to buy her something this morning and I told her I didn't have any money. She said "yes you do, you have the change from the $100 bill I gave you the other day". What a little shit! 

Teacher Inferiority complex

Does anyone else get intimidated by their kids’ teachers?  Anything I do related to school makes me nervous; did I help them complete their homework correctly? Do they have everything they are supposed to have in their backpack? Are they well behaved?  The teachers seem so together; so calm. They have songs to get kids’ attention, they are patient and they make everything fun. And I’m sure they are much better parents too because they are educated in the mysterious creatures. I am constantly nervous I will be discovered as a bad parent.  I don’t know shit about photosynthesis but I am reasonably educated and I have no valid basis to feel this way.  I’m not shy person; in fact I’m usually the one telling the 500 pound Sumo wrestler who tries to cut me in line to take a hike; but when my kids teachers say something the slightest bit negative I am filled with self doubt, “I should have known that the book order must be paid for in pesos; I obviously didn’t read directions!”I

When I was little we were lucky we were sent to school with clothes on never mind with our completed homework assignments, media center books, book orders and donated-box-of-Kleenex-because-the school-doesn’t-buy-them bag.

Matthew had his 3^rd grade teacher parent conference a couple weeks ago. I had it on my calendar for 3:15 and I also saw in the flyer that they provide child watch. Now given my anal retentive need to organize everything and throw unneeded stuff away (see previous post) I wrote all this down in my calendar and promptly threw the flyer away.  My counter is still not clean but at least one piece of paper was efficiently dealt with! READ! NOTED! DONE! NEXT!  I arrive at Matthew’s conference and there is no child watch (ended at 3, see flyer). Offense #321 of the year, I have to bring my child with me to the teacher conference which is expressly prohibited per flyer.  I press on determined to obtain critical information essential to the future of my child. When I get to the classroom the teacher tells me I am late for my conference; it was at 3 not 3:15. I feel as if someone has just told me that I have flunked parenthood. She gives me a new time and I frantically text my husband berating myself for my stupidity. I apologize profusely during the conference. She tells me plenty of good things but when she talks about the improvement areas I am hopelessly hanging on her every word and apologizing for my child. I even volunteer at the school so I don’t feel guilty about wasting her time to talk to me and give me updates.   I guess it’s a good thing that my kids’ teachers impress me but I wonder how much worse it will get when the kids are older. Am I going to have to go back to school for trigonometry so I can help the kids with their homework? Should I transfer schools so I can start over with no list of violations?

Towel animals

I don't know why but i love these things but i do. Every time I see one I kill myself laughing. These are my friend Noelle's pictures and don't think I haven't furiously scanned my pictures looking for my own because i have. All I need is a few drinks to make me hysterical over these things.  

Cute little bunny from my friend Paula

Oh hello there fella