Today marks over a week since I got back from China and I can say I am almost recovered. I have gotten through all my email, caught up on sleep and I am still working on the 5 pounds I gained while on my carb fest. I have finally processed the adventure. This trip was by far the longest trip I have ever taken; leaving the house at 7 am on Saturday and walking into my hotel 9 pm on Sunday. 26 hours of travel and 13 hours of lost clock time. Don’t get me wrong I’ve lost 13 hours before but it went by much slower. I am so thankful for business class - no nickel and dime-ing, no lines, free movies on demand, use of Bose head phones, unlimited food/drinks, slippers, lie flat beds - I really don’t know how anyone could do a 14 hour flight in coach. It’s inhumane. We flew from Chicago north over the north pole which I had no idea you could do. I thought we would fly to Chicago then go west. It was dark when we flew over so I didn’t see any polar bears or elves. I heard later that it was only recently that you can fly this way because of Russian air restrictions. Of course had i known i was flying over Russia I would have been a lot more nervous. When you look at the map while flying its very true to life (although not completely 3 dimensional) and you can clearly see how close Alaska is to Japan. I’m sure to many this sounds completely ignorant on my part.
Getting off the plane and through customs was easy enough - I was all set for some frustrated communist customs guy to interrogate me about my mission of espionage and I had visions of body cavity searches - but no such atrocities occurred. The fun began when I took the train to get my luggage and then what seems to be thousands of Chinese cram into 3 train cars with everyone talking a mile a minute. I half expected the whole train to turn into a crazy mob scene like something out of the Deer Hunter (I am nothing if not dramatic). I am a planner by nature but when it came to getting from the Beijing airport to the hotel I thought, how hard could it be? Just find a cab and say MARRIOTT please! Well I didn’t account for the fact that I had no Chinese currency, no clue what the conversion rate or a reasonable fare was. And it was FUCKING FREEZING. People were everywhere yelling and haggling. I had downloaded a translation app for this kind of occasion but because I’m an idiot I forgot that I wouldn’t have wifi. After traveling for 24 hours I was in no mood to negotiate so I ended up overpaying by a lot to get to the hotel. The hotel was much farther from the airport than I thought it would be. As we drove by high rises I noted that there were no lights in some of the buildings - AT ALL. When we went to eat there was no one in the restaurant at 10 p.m. I swear I’ve seen Anthony Bourdain or some travel show that makes it look like the place is crawling with night markets and people but for us Beijing at night was a snooze. Later our tour guide told us that the Chinese go to bed early. They don’t drink and they go to bed early - no wonder they are so smart. There goes half my brain cells right there.
I regretted instantly that I didn’t learn more Chinese; even small things were difficult to negotiate. My 12 year old son who is taking Chinese for the 2nd year did try to teach me more but my 48 year old brain has some significant brain damage apparently since I was able to learn only 3 words despite his valiant efforts. There are some who speak english but its very limited. Ordering food is a real challenge that degraded from slowly annunciated english to gesturing to pointing. When no one understood me I would say the word louder or ENUNCIATE it. Do you have any W-I-N-E???!!! It’s really ridiculous but you can’t stop doing it. Just the process of ordering food takes a lot out of you and the waiter, every interaction an awkward series of talking, gesturing and pointing - clucking like a chicken to clarify that I want chicken and not Duck.
We went to Tiananmen Square where it was epic just to stand there even though to look at it is nothing special in and of itself. The temperature was about 15 or 20 but you cannot believe how windy Beijing is. I can’t remember the last time I was that cold. There were hardly any people there with the weather which I guess is a blessing since I abhor crowds. Our tour guide Shirley told us that the Chinese don’t know what happened there unless they’ve been out of the country.
We went to the Forbidden city where the emperors live but they had closed it for some dignitaries to view. We went to the Temple of heaven where there emperor used to go to pray for a good harvest. There were older people doing tai chai outside in the freezing cold and playing chess. They didn’t seem bothered by the cold. There were people from many countries there, some who weren’t told that China is COLD and they don’t heat any of these tourist places. Our hired tour guide took us on an hour and a half drive to the section of the Great Wall. The drive is very strange. Beijing is a huge city, 150 square kilometers (10 miles). We drove through sections of tall skyscrapers and factories pumping out smog and the roads are crowded with everything from Mercedes to little mopeds loaded with kids and junk. When we went to the wall we drove for miles and we were STILL in Beijing. There were tree farms everywhere with the bottoms of every tree painted white for miles and miles. It had an odd feeling for everything to be so similar for miles and miles.
The long trip to the wall was more than worth it. The mountains are beautiful and its surreal to be there knowing its history and significance. Later we were told that we had one of the best days anyone had heard of, the visibility was great and since it was so cold no one there. The wall is very steep in places and the view is different at each tower. I wish we had more time there but we had to get to Dalian where our office is located.
Many wear masks outside due to the pollution. At first it seems odd but it becomes unnoticeable after a while. My eyes were scorched red from the pollution and the dry air. I look like I’m on a bender. The good news is all the Americans on the trip were just as zombified as I am - all of us skipping from one subject to the next making no sense at all. It takes a week to get rid of that feeling which is just about when I returned - exhausted and fatter than a mall santa. I forgot a few things that I wanted to buy while there but discovered that there’s a 20% tax on anything imported - and practically anything you can find around a hotel is imported. It finally makes sense to me why so many Chinese love to shop when they are traveling.
Our first night in Dalian was spent at the hotel for a late dinner and some asian lounge singing which was beyond entertaining. We laughed hysterically with the asian lounge singers singing old american songs like John Denver and the Police. We laughed all week singing “Every breath “chu" take, every bond “chu" break.
Sleep was elusive - more a series of naps than an actual sleep. I would sleep for an hour then wake up saying “what time is it?”, “where am I?” Only to repeat the same cycle 3 more times at best. At night I was exhausted but my mind raced with strange sights and scenes far from my normal existence. We spend so much time in our normal lives ignoring much of what goes on around us as it becomes routine. Spend a week here and your senses are on steroids; images, sounds and smells assaulting you - making sleep an impossibility.
Everything is a contrast here; things seem so high tech - everyone with giant phones and neon lights everywhere - yet you can’t use google, you tube or facebook. If there’s a person in China with an iPhone smaller than a 6 I didn’t encounter them. There are very into an app called We Chat and there’s a whole underground dedicated to circumventing the social media ban by getting VPNs to connect to the US then out to the sites they want to see that are blocked. International phone service is spotty and you end up spending half your first day just trying to figure out how to stop every device you own from displaying a different time zone and or trying to remain connected with the outside world. There’s a part of me that enjoyed not being connected all the time. Laziness for me is staring at the internet for hours mentally dulling your senses. So I am hoping to extend some of the internet ADD reduction affects into my post communist life.
At the office you have never seen so many happy/nice people. Everyone was so welcoming and concerned about our stay. The meetings that we had were amazing, all of the people I met so impressive. One day of the trip was an innovation conference which was mind bending and inspirational.
The food in china was challenging for me. I eat very plain food and I don’t eat a lot of carbs. One day we had Korean barbecue for lunch. I wanted to be adventurous and let the team order for us but one of my American coworkers saw dog meat on the menu and things degraded from there. One night we went to a dumpling restaurant where an expat took us via a shortcut through a “gentleman's club” to get in. It’s the kind of club where you can do karaoke with our without the hot girls who come in after. The highlight of this restaurant was seeing the room where they make dumplings - everyone dressed like it was an ebola quarantine room. The locals ordered for us most places we went and even then it takes forever with many confusing conversations. You order food before drinks and it takes so long you might get your drink by dessert. Most of the places we went to were brighter than the surface of the sun and they love their christmas music; one place we went to played jingle bells on a loop - over and over. If I had to work there I would stab myself with a dull spoon. There were vegetables but they were usually unrecognizable or fried to obscurity. The low carb diet has not made its way to the far east yet I can confirm that. Fish heads, chicken cartilage and pickled herring are just a few of the local delicacies that I did NOT partake in.
Traffic is insane in Dalian- you can’t go anywhere without it taking an hour. Pedestrians are invisible; walk the streets of China at your peril. I had to close my eyes anytime we were in the car - it’s that scary. Roads are not one way but there’s an unidentifiable (to me) system where to get to a place you can literally see across the street they take you around in circles sometimes driving on the sidewalks to get there.
I didn’t go to many local sites but I am told if you go to the Dalian zoo you can buy chickens to feed's the tigers (ps you can buy a live one or a dead one). I guess what I am trying to say is that the Dalian Zoo will never be seen by me.
I was told not to go to any of the bars around the hotel because they are “gentlemen’s bars” so we went to a bar where all the expats go. I was surprised to find not only does everyone smoke but you can smoke anywhere. They play bad older american music like Celine Dion over and over and satellite radio is banned by the government so the variety is not there.
For some reason there are very few flat walking surfaces; in odd areas you will have a random step up or down or section in the middle of a passageway; its a miracle I survived without falling down and losing my 2 front teeth. Early in the week we would often ask an expat why things were a certain way. The answer? Because…China.
I can’t think of my trip without discussing THE CAN. How could something so basic vary so much? I had heard about the toilets being in the ground. Squatting to go to the bathroom is supposed to facilitate the “process”. Maybe biologically this works but when you’ve been sitting on a throne to do your business for 48 years its just downright awkward. The stalls don’t even go down to the ground which means that if you ware inclined to be nosy and look over at your neighbor you’re gonna see more than you bargained for. Many don’t close the door at all - more than a few times I went into the bathroom to find a bunch of open doors and people doing their thing. At work there is a sign to remind you to close the door (lest the westerners run screaming from the building). The bathrooms have a very distinct smell and not in the way you would think. I am not sure if its a certain chemical or what. In Tokyo you can get a digital toilet with choices like bidet with optional deodorizer and flushing noises. WTF!!
In both Beijing and Dalian airports very limited english was spoken. There are 80 candy shops and toy stores but no restaurants or bars to speak of. Over the years I have tried to become more patient in general but especially as it relates to travel. I have been stuck on runways for hours, planes delayed and every form of planes trains and automobiles just not all on the same day. I have been close to a meltdown many times - I just don’t handle it well. But with age I seem to mellow - finally accepting that I can’t control any of it. On this trip I did suffer a mini meltdown while stuck on the runway for an hour where I was one of 2 americans on a very crowded, hot flight where I couldn’t understand the flight attendants. After years of being painfully average I finally understand what it feels like to stick out like a sore thumb.
On my way back I went through the Tokyo airport; a huge airport but with what seems like a mile between each gate. Here I started to see some Americans who actually spoke english which was a relief after a half day at the Dalian airport. I was very excited that on the way back you get tail winds - the flight is ONLY 11 hours! I couldn’t sleep on the flight and after a while i decided that it would be best not to sleep at all so that my first night home I could automatically readjust to the time difference.
When I got home I was so used to random frustrated speech with accompanying gestures and loud talking and extreme annunciation that I told the driver to PUUUTT MY BAGGG IN THE BACK while loud pointing at myself. He looked at me like I was an idiot. My first week back was just as sleepless as the week there. By Wednesday I thought I was normal but this weekend I slept more than 12 hours each night. I guess I will have to accept that these trips will take a month front to back.
I am excited to have a month between this and my next adventure - India!
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