Getting the Virgo off my back

My monkey is a Virgo and it wouldn’t get off me for a few weeks. My head is full of nonsense; worrying about every little thing at work and home, feeling overwhelmed, not eating well, etc. I’m up half the night worrying about work and let me just say that I am not the obsess-in-bed-and-solve-problems type. Oh no; I get nothing resolved whatsoever. My worrying consists of thinking about every piece of minutia on my “to do” list backward and forward. I’m surprised I don’t suck my thumb while I do it. I have taken to getting out of bed and working at 4 am once a week because I just can’t stand sitting there thinking and wasting time. Why am I overwhelmed I ask myself? Well let’s see what I’m working on right now besides the usual work 50 plus hours a week, take care of house and kids, take kids to their activities, homework, worry about friends and family, etc but there’s

•   Couponing – otherwise known as printing, searching and going to 9 stores a week for deals; if you need some barbeque sauce I'm your girl. In my defense its a lot of work to make sure that the house has enough toilet paper. Ass wiping is serious business.
• Halloween prep - see previous posts
• Learning to wear makeup; aka watching youtube to learn what I was supposed to have learned like 30 years ago. Why do I care? WRINKLES. DUH.
• Trying to get my kids to eat or ..er ..trying not to feed the kids chicken nuggets every day. Searching for recipes; buying ingredients for recipes, throwing food away that I never make recipes with, etc. Nuff said.
• Pinterest; if you are not spending 3 hours a day on this you don't know what you're missing; I mean I thought I had enough to do but now I can add homemade beauty supplies to the list. Did you know you can make you own pore strips? 
• Obsessive organizing. I actually was up all night last week trying to imagine objects I could use to organize my cabinets on the cheap. One site actually recommended empty tuna cans for the junk drawer. This is not for me.
• Redecorating my dining room and living room and every other room in my house that I haven't finished. Post to come. 
• Waxing. My eyebrows. Its all I can do not to go every day.

I am not just your classic perfectionist; I want to do it all and I want to do it now. And don’t tell me to relax. I don’t do relax. The more I do the more I want to do and the more I expect.  In any case, funny what a downward spiral I can get myself into.  I have a headache, so I don’t go running, I stay up too late, and I have a bag of m&ms at midnight which makes me more tired and less likely to do the things that make me sane like working out and eating/sleeping well.  Stress builds up until I want to explode, or take a nap (it’s a black or white world for me my friends).  My runs have been horrible; every day I seem to get slower, counting every step of my torturous runs.  

Today rather than let myself go deeper into my own mental prison I forced myself to drink a half a gallon of water to cure my headache and went running; feeling like I may have an aneurysm on the way but it was better than the alternative. I had one of the best runs ever. When I came to the hill I normally hit where I have to stop and walk .....I kept going and said to myself YOU CAN DO THIS. I thought of the worst times in my life; my mothers death, stepfather's illness, breakup with person-who-shall-remain-nameless; ....all of it feeling like you just can't put one foot in front of the other.  And I just did it one step at a time. It was like that Bruce song the Rising - I was at the bottom of a mountain and started crawling, then jogging shedding layers of SHIT along the way - I could hear the song Eye of the Tiger playing and when I get to the top of the mountain (home) and I’m feeling like a trillion bucks and I look down at myself and my ...shirt ....is ....on ....inside out. TYPICAL.